Why Your Email Marketing Sucks (And How to Make It Actually Print Money)

Let’s get something straight: If you need to treat email marketing like the golden goose it is, you’re missing out on the highest ROI of all marketing channels. Yeah, you heard me right—email marketing, when done correctly, isn’t just a tool; it’s a freaking cash machine. But here’s the kicker: Most of you are using it wrong. You’re out here sending bland, uninspired emails that aren’t even worth the pixels they’re made of, and then you’re wondering why your open rates are tanking and no one’s clicking your links. Spoiler alert: The problem isn’t email marketing—the problem is *you*.

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Why Your Email Marketing Sucks

Why Your Email Marketing Sucks (And How to Make It Actually Print Money)

But fear not, for I’m here to guide you out of the abyss of email marketing mediocrity. I’ll show you how to craft emails that not only get opened but also convert, engage, and generate revenue. So, get ready to roll up your sleeves because we’re about to delve into the reasons why your email marketing strategy is underperforming and how you can turn the tide in your favor.

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“But I’m Already Doing Email Marketing!”—Yeah, And You’re Doing It Wrong

Let’s start with a fundamental principle: Email marketing is not a numbers game. If your strategy revolves around bombarding your subscribers with the same generic newsletter every week, you’re missing the point. Email marketing is about delivering quality content that drives engagement, clicks, and conversions. If your emails aren’t doing that, they’re just another piece of spam in someone’s inbox.

The Brutal Truth: Your Emails Are Boring

Here’s the thing—most emails I see are boring as hell. They’re bland, uninspired, and offer zero value. And here’s a newsflash: People don’t open emails that don’t interest them. If your emails are just another lame sales pitch or corporate update, they go straight to the trash—right where they belong.

The Fix: Make Your Emails Worth Reading

So, how do you fix this? Start by making your emails worth reading. That means delivering value in every single email you send. Whether it’s an insightful tip, a valuable resource, or a compelling story, your emails should give your audience something they can’t get anywhere else. And no, a 10% off coupon doesn’t count as value unless it’s paired with a killer reason to care.

Next, inject some personality into your emails. Stop talking like a robot and start talking like a human. Use humor, tell stories, and make your emails as engaging as a conversation with a good friend. The more relatable and entertaining your emails are, the more people look forward to opening them.

And for the love of all things digital, segment your list. Only some people on your email list are the same, so why would you send them all the same email? Tailor your content to different audience segments to increase relevance and engagement. If you’re not segmenting, you’re not marketing—you’re just spamming.

“But I’ve Got a Good Subject Line!”—Yeah, And That’s Why No One’s Opening It

Now, let’s talk about subject lines because this is where most of you are falling flat on your face. You think people will open your email because you’ve crafted a decent subject line. But here’s the cold, hard truth: Most of your subject lines are about as compelling as watching paint dry. And that’s why your open rates suck.

The Brutal Truth: Your Subject Lines Are Weak

Here’s the deal—if your subject line doesn’t grab attention and create curiosity, it’s not doing its job. A weak subject line is the kiss of death for your email. If people aren’t intrigued by what’s inside, they won’t bother opening it. And if they’re not opening your emails, they’re definitely not clicking your links or buying your products.

The Fix: Craft Subject Lines That Demand Attention

So, how do you fix this? Start by understanding that your subject line is your first (and sometimes only) chance to grab attention. It needs to be short, punchy, and irresistible. Use powerful words, create curiosity, and promise value. If your subject line doesn’t make people curious enough to open your email, rewrite it.

Next, feel free to test different subject lines. A/B testing is your best friend here. Test different styles, lengths, and tones to see what resonates best with your audience. The more you test, the better your subject lines will become—and the higher your open rates will climb.

And here’s a pro tip: Avoid using spammy words or phrases that will trigger spam filters. Words like “free,” “guaranteed,” and “limited-time offer” can land your email in the spam folder faster than you can say “unsubscribe.” Keep your subject lines clean, clear, and compelling.

“But I’m Following Best Practices!”—Yeah, And That’s Why You’re Failing

Let’s address another misconception: “But I’m following best practices!” Oh, bless your heart. The problem with best practices is that they’re called “best” because they’re safe, not practical. If you’re blindly following best practices, you’re just doing what everyone else is doing—and that’s why you’re not standing out.

The Brutal Truth: Best Practices Are For Beginners

Here’s the reality—best practices are a good starting point, but they’re not where you should stop. They’re the training wheels of email marketing. If you want to play in the big leagues, you must go beyond best practices and experiment with what works for your audience.

The Fix: Break the Rules and Innovate

So, how do you fix this? Start by breaking the rules. Be bold and try something different, even if it goes against conventional wisdom. Whether sending emails at unusual times, using unconventional subject lines, or experimenting with new formats, the key is to stand out.

Next, focus on your unique voice and style. What works for one brand might not work for another. The most successful email marketers understand their audience and tailor their emails to their specific needs and preferences. The more you can personalize and customize your emails, the better your results will be.

And remember, data is your best friend. Track your results, analyze your metrics, and use that data to refine your strategy. The more you understand what works and what doesn’t, the more successful your email marketing will be.

“But I’m Sending Emails Regularly!”—Yeah, And That’s Why You’re Annoying

Next up: frequency. You’re probably thinking, “But I’m sending emails regularly!” That’s cute. But here’s the cold, hard truth: Just because you’re sending emails regularly doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. In fact, if you’re sending too many emails, you’re annoying your subscribers. And an annoyed subscriber is one step away from hitting that unsubscribe button.

The Brutal Truth: You’re Spamming Your Subscribers

Here’s the thing—more isn’t always better. If you’re bombarding your subscribers with too many emails, you’re not building a relationship but burning bridges. Your emails should be something your subscribers look forward to, not something they dread. If you see a spike in unsubscribes every time you hit send, you’re overdoing it.

The Fix: Find the Right Balance

So, how do you fix this? Start by finding the right balance. There’s no magic number regarding email frequency, but there is a sweet spot for every audience. The key is to stay at the top of your mind without becoming a nuisance.

Test different frequencies to see what works best for your audience. Once a week is perfect, or your subscribers prefer a monthly update. The goal is to stay consistent without overwhelming your subscribers. The more you respect their inbox, the more likely they will stick around.

And remember, quality over quantity. It’s better to send one high-quality email that delivers real value than three mediocre emails that get ignored. Focus on creating content worth your subscribers’ time, and they’ll reward you with their attention.

“But I’m Using Fancy Templates!”—Yeah, And That’s Why No One’s Clicking

Let’s talk about design because this is where many of you need to improve. You’re using fancy templates with all the bells and whistles, thinking that will impress your subscribers. But here’s the cold, hard truth: If your emails are all style and no substance, you’re just wasting time. Fancy templates don’t convert—compelling content does.

The Brutal Truth: Your Design Is Distracting

Here’s the deal—while good design is essential, it should never overshadow your message. If your email is more about looking pretty than delivering value, you’re doing it wrong. Your subscribers don’t care about your fancy graphics or your cute little animations—they care about what’s in it for them.

The Fix: Prioritize Content Over Design

So, how do you fix this? Start by prioritizing content over design. Your design should support your message, not distract from it. Keep your templates clean, simple, and easy to navigate. Make sure your text is legible, your CTA buttons are clear, and your images take only a little while to load.

Next, focus on mobile optimization. More than half of all emails are opened on mobile devices, so if your emails need to be mobile-friendly, you’re missing out on a massive chunk of your audience. Use responsive design to ensure your emails look great on any device.

Remember accessibility. Ensure your emails are accessible to all subscribers, including those with disabilities. Use alt text for images, choose high-contrast colors, and avoid using too much text in images. The more inclusive your emails are, the more successful they’ll be.

“But I’m Offering Discounts!”—Yeah, And That’s Why You’re Devaluing Your Brand

Let’s talk about offers because this is where a lot of you are screwing up. You’re offering discounts left and right, thinking that will drive sales. But here’s the hard truth: If you’re constantly offering discounts, you’re not building loyalty—you’re devaluing your brand. Discounts are a short-term fix, not a long-term strategy.

The Brutal Truth: You’re Training Your Customers to Wait for Sales

Here’s the deal—if your customers know they can always get a discount, they’ll never buy at the total price. You’re training them to wait for the next sale, and that’s not how you build a sustainable business. Discounts should be used strategically, not as a crutch for weak marketing.

The Fix: Offer Value, Not Just Discounts

So, how do you fix this? Start by offering value beyond just discounts. Your emails should give subscribers a reason to engage with your brand that goes beyond saving a few bucks. Whether it’s exclusive content, early access to new products, or personalized recommendations, the key is to make your subscribers feel special.

Next, use discounts strategically. Instead of offering blanket discounts to everyone, use them to reward your most loyal customers or to re-engage inactive subscribers. The more targeted your discounts are, the more effective they’ll be.

And remember, not every email needs to be a sales pitch. Mix in content that educates entertains or inspires your audience. The more you can build relationships with your subscribers, the less you’ll rely on discounts to drive sales.

“But I’m Getting Some Clicks!”—Yeah, And You’re Leaving Money on the Table

Let’s talk about clicks because this is where many of you leave money on the table. You’re getting some clicks, and you think that’s good enough. But here’s the hard truth: If you need to optimize every aspect of your email for conversions, you’re doing your job. Clicks are great, but conversions are what really matter.

The Brutal Truth: You’re Not Optimizing for Conversions

Here’s the deal—getting clicks is just the first step. You’re wasting your time if those clicks aren’t leading to conversions. Your emails should be optimized to guide your subscribers through the entire funnel, from the subject line to the CTA to the landing page.

The Fix: Optimize for Conversions

So, how do you fix this? Start by focusing on your call to action (CTA). Your CTA should be clear, compelling, and impossible to ignore. Use action-oriented language that tells your subscribers exactly what you want them to do, whether it’s “Shop Now,” “Learn More,” or “Get Your Free Trial.”

Next, make sure your landing page is aligned with your email. If your subscribers click on a link expecting one thing and find something completely different, they will bounce. Your landing page should deliver on the promise you made in your email and make it as easy as possible for your subscribers to convert.

Remember to track your conversions. Use tools like Google Analytics or your email marketing platform’s built-in analytics to track your conversion rates and identify any drop-off points. The more you understand where your subscribers are getting stuck, the more you can optimize your emails for better results.

“But I’m Building My List!”—Yeah, And You’re Not Nurturing It

Let’s talk about list building because this is where many of you still need to do the mark. You’re focused on growing your email list, and that’s great—but here’s the cold, hard truth: If you’re not nurturing your list, you’re just collecting email addresses for the sake of it. An extensive list is worthless if it’s not engaged.

The Brutal Truth: You’re Not Nurturing Your Subscribers

Here’s the deal—just because someone gave you their email address doesn’t mean they’re ready to buy. If you’re not nurturing your subscribers with valuable content, relevant offers, and personalized communication, they’ll lose interest fast. And when they lose interest, they’re either going to unsubscribe or, worse, mark your emails as spam.

The Fix: Nurture Your List Like a Pro

So, how do you fix this? Start by creating a welcome series for new subscribers. This is your chance to introduce them to your brand, set expectations, and deliver immediate value. A well-crafted welcome series can turn new subscribers into loyal customers.

Next, segment your list based on subscriber behavior, interests, and demographics. The more personalized your emails are, the more likely your subscribers will engage with them. Use automation to send targeted emails based on specific triggers, like past purchases, browsing behavior, or engagement with previous emails.

Remember to re-engage inactive subscribers. If someone last opened your emails a while ago, send them a re-engagement campaign to win them back. Offer them something special, like an exclusive discount or a piece of valuable content, to remind them why they subscribed in the first place.

“But My Unsubscribe Rate Is Low!”—Yeah, And That’s Why Your List Is Stagnant

Let’s address the unsubscribe rate because this is where many of you are getting complacent. You’re proud of your low unsubscribe rate, and you think that means your emails are doing well. But here’s the cold, hard truth: A low unsubscribe rate doesn’t mean your emails are successful—it just means your list is stagnant.

The Brutal Truth: Your List Is Full of Dead Weight

Here’s the deal—just because people aren’t unsubscribing doesn’t mean they’re engaged. Your low unsubscribe rate is meaningless if your emails aren’t generating opens, clicks, or conversions. Your list might be full of people who’ve mentally unsubscribed but haven’t yet bothered to hit the button.

The Fix: Clean Your List and Boost Engagement

So, how do you fix this? Start by cleaning your list. Remove inactive subscribers who last engaged with your emails months ago. A smaller, more engaged list is better than an extensive list complete of dead weight. Plus, cleaning your list can improve your deliverability and ensure your emails reach the people who want to hear from you.

Next, focus on boosting engagement with the subscribers who are still interested. Send out surveys, ask for feedback, and use dynamic content to personalize your emails. The more engaged your list is, the more successful your email marketing will be.

Remember to monitor your metrics regularly. Check your open rates, click-through rates, and conversion rates. If you see a decline, take action to re-engage your subscribers or adjust your strategy. The more you stay on top of your metrics, the more successful your email marketing will be.

“But I’m Using Automation!”—Yeah, And That’s Why You’re Losing the Human Touch

Let’s talk about automation because this is where many of you are losing the human touch. You’re using automation to send out emails, and that’s great—but here’s the cold, hard truth: If your emails feel automated, they will get ignored. People don’t want to feel like they’re talking to a robot; they want to feel like they’re talking to a natural person.

The Brutal Truth: Your Emails Feel Automated

Here’s the deal—automation is a powerful tool, but it’s not a substitute for personalization. If your emails feel like they were sent by a machine, they won’t resonate with your audience. People want to feel like you’re speaking directly to them, not to a faceless mass of subscribers.

The Fix: Personalize Your Automated Emails

So, how do you fix this? Start by personalizing your automated emails. Use your subscribers’ names, reference past purchases or interactions, and tailor your content to their needs and interests. The more personalized your emails are, the more likely your subscribers will engage with them.

Next, use dynamic content to make your emails feel more personal. Dynamic content allows you to customize different parts of your email based on the subscriber’s preferences, behavior, or demographics. This way, each subscriber receives an email that’s relevant to them.

Remember to keep the tone of your emails conversational and friendly. Just because an email is automated doesn’t mean it has to sound like it. Write your emails as if you’re speaking directly to the subscriber, and avoid using jargon or corporate speak. The more human your emails feel, the more successful they’ll be.

“But I’m Getting Decent Results!”—Yeah, And That’s Why You’re Settling for Mediocrity

Finally, let’s talk about results because this is where many of you are settling for mediocrity. You’re getting decent results, and you think that’s good enough. But here’s the cold, hard truth: If you decide for decent, you’ll only achieve a little. If done correctly, email marketing has the highest ROI of all marketing channels. So why settle for less?

The Brutal Truth: You’re Settling for Mediocrity

Here’s the deal—decent results are better than nothing, but they’re not where you should stop. If you’re not constantly pushing for better, you leave money on the table. Email marketing can be a significant revenue driver for your business, but only if you’re willing to work to make it happen.

The Fix: Push for Greatness

So, how do you fix this? Start by setting higher goals for your email marketing. Don’t just aim for decent open rates or click-through rates—aim for industry-leading metrics. The more ambitious your goals are, the more motivated you’ll be to achieve them.

Next, continuously optimize your strategy. A/B tests different elements of your emails, from subject lines to CTAs to send times. Use the data you collect to refine your approach and push for better results. The more you optimize, the more successful your email marketing will be.

And don’t be afraid to innovate. Try new formats, experiment with different types of content, and explore new ways to engage your audience. The more you’re willing to push the envelope, the more you’ll stand out in your subscribers’ inboxes.

How Core Creative Can Help You Master Email Marketing

So, you’ve made it this far and probably think, “This all sounds great, but how do I actually make it happen?” That’s where we come in. At Core Creative, we’re experts in email marketing and here to help you succeed.

Whether you need help crafting compelling content, developing a winning strategy, or optimizing your campaigns for maximum ROI, our team has the skills and experience to take your email marketing to the next level. We know what it takes to turn email marketing into a significant revenue driver for your business, and we’re ready to help you do the same.

Here’s what we offer:

Content Creation

Need help to create emails that resonate with your audience? Our talented writers and designers can help you craft high-quality emails that drive engagement, clicks, and conversions. We’ve covered you, from subject lines to body copy to CTAs.

Strategy Development

Need help developing an email marketing strategy that actually works? We’ll work with you to create a customized strategy tailored to your business goals and designed to get results. Whether you’re just starting or looking to take your email marketing to the next level, we’re here to help.

Automation and Personalization

Looking to automate your emails without losing the human touch? Our team of email marketing experts can help you set up automated campaigns that feel personal, relevant, and engaging. From welcome series to re-engagement campaigns, we’ll help you deliver the right message at the right time.

Analytics and Optimization

How do you measure the success of your email marketing? We’ll help you track the metrics that matter and use data to optimize your campaigns for better results. From open rates to conversion rates, we’ve got the tools and expertise to help you succeed.

Consulting and Support

Looking for ongoing support and guidance? Our team of email marketing experts is here to help you every step of the way. Whether you need help brainstorming ideas, troubleshooting issues, or staying on track with your strategy, we support you.

Get Started Today

Ready to take your email marketing to the next level? Contact us at Core Creative today to learn more about how we can help you master email marketing and grow your business. Whether you’re a small business just starting or an established brand looking to boost your results, we’re here to help you succeed.

Because at the end of the day, there are two kinds of businesses—those that succeed with email marketing and those that fail. Which one do you want to be? The choice is yours. Now, go out there and make it happen.

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